Whilst Vincent is ordering a coffin for Billy and please do not ask me how it’s gonna be paid for, I haven’t got a clue and what’s in the donation box in the lobby right now will certainly not cover the funeral costs, so I assume at least that part was sorted out somehow with the parents, but I am not really sure. Anyways we are all glad if things proceed, and whilst other dramatic news all over the country are certainly keeping us awake, we are also cleaning up Billy’s room and packing his stuff in boxes, which is certainly not a happy task to do.

There is a whole closet stuffed to the top level with letters from home, which I had already seen when I took the series of pictures in his room, but now we are cleaning it all out and trying to decide if this stuff is of any importance to anyone and has to be kept or not and can be tossed out for once and for all. Which is also a bizarre task, trying to imagine someone’s private letter conversation might have sentimental value to a family that couldn’t be bothered to at least stay on the phone when their son was going through bad shit, but who am I to pass judgement, there is all kinds out there and only God knows, I suppose.

Josiane Keller “Billy’s letters” (2016)

Some letters stem from what it seems friends, which is also interesting, as we only know Billy as shy and introvert, but back home maybe he was majorly popular, (although it’s hard to imagine, and that is exactly the interesting bit in it….), and many from family of which the more recent ones as it appears are not opened. There are also newspaper articles that some family members seem to have sent him, and from the limited German I understand these seem to have been sent for the purpose of re-directing Billy from his chosen path, there was an application pack to go to a place to do your high school diploma in evening courses, and something where one can learn to become a computer programmer or something like that, and over and over photos of a certain very proper looking girl, quite pretty with a nice blond pony tail and pink skin, but a bit daft looking, if you ask for my personal taste; it looks like they had hoped to hook Billy up with her. And other stuff like job advertisements for various office based jobs that the Billy I briefly met would have shriveled up in after Day One, but then again I doubt he would have shown up in the first place to the interview, so no danger there. Oh, and anyways, he’s dead now and safe.

And perhaps I am not so far off with my judgement, it doesn’t come as a surprise anyways that the later packages of family mail wasn’t opened.

I asked Vincent if we should pack it and send it to Austria or toss it, but Vincent wasn’t sure either, so we settled for packing it in boxes for now, which are piling up on the floor, as there is a surprising amount of stuff. We’ll see if there’s gonna be any reaction from them at the funeral and take things from there.

There was one letter, that Billy had written here and recently a couple of weeks ago and it was addressed to a certain Molly, who might have been a friend. It was written in English, so it couldn’t be the homely ponytail-princess from the photographs, as to her Billy would have written in German; there were also older letters from her addressed to him that he had opened, so presumably read.

For some reason he hadn’t sent this one to her, it was just a few pages folded together in the side pocket of a messenger bag, so maybe he ran out of envelopes or stamps and had put it there and forgotten about it all.

Even though we didn’t want to intrude, we occasionally got a little more into things than just skipping over, with this one letter for example I couldn’t help but read it (and again I feel guilty for that, but what can I say?); it was pretty sad.

Josiane Keller “Billy’s letters 2” (2016)

Josiane Keller “Billy’s letters 3” (2016)

Josiane Keller “Billy’s letters 4” (2016)

Josiane Keller “Billy’s letters – In the past I would have staid” (2016)

The letter dated Friday, May 27th 2016 and it read:

“Dear Molly,

I am in the place I wanted to go to. I am sorry if it took me ages to write to you, but things have been a little hectic, getting here, getting settled, figuring out jobs and meeting people. I am meeting tons of new people I find them absolutely wonderful. Or very nice to me. I can tell you, at home I don’t get that. Maybe because I am exotic to them here.

I have a nice room, it is a bit small, but there is a mini bath, if one wanted to call it that, inside, a sink + and a round mirror, and a toilet. (You know why that is important to me!!) – There is a shared bath with a shower on the floor of my room, each floor here has these, as far as I know. And Vincent, the concierge here, is busy installing a new, more modern bath, right next to my room. Although, to tell the truth, he is an elderly gentleman, who is used to doing these things by himself and now it takes a long time, maybe when he was younger it would have been a pretty fast job. He has a helper called Starfish, who, rumor has it, is actually his daughter, but Starfish is going through hormone treatments and had at least one operation so far to become a man, and then will be going officially by “Anthony”. All that is going on here.

People are that type, many of them really creative and relaxed and wonderful. Could you imagine back home someone going through a sex change like that? Oh my, the whole village would gossip in the meanest way, the person would be called crazy or possessed by the devil or what not. Maybe they would even get the priest involved, to save the poor soul by exorcism.

I am sooo glad to be here now! I can tell you! Money has been a bit of an issue. You know why. I am doing better though, much better. And I learned to speak up for myself. The other week I was doing a workshop with some people, most of them guys. It would have been a great thing for job training.

Anyways, from the first day on the course leader, some guy from Argentina or something had it out for me. It was really odd, because I had done nothing to him, opposite, I tried to be nice and do well. He would constantly pick on me and some of the others then started, too. I tried to fight back. After first day one guy came after class + expressed his sympathy. But not in class. I dropped out. See, I am much braver now. In the past I would have staid.

…“

The whole sentence made me wonder, shy Billy had apparently enjoyed himself and felt people had been really nice to him, the people that hardly knew him. That one sentence through me off completely though, when he talked about that workshop, which I remember well, because after that workshop he had also had an eating binge and taken me to the warehouse for the first set of pictures I took with him. And here he wrote to his friend he now had become so much braver, brave enough to drop out.

It made me think about the meaning of “brave”.

He goes on describing the wonders of his new life and hoping his friend would come visit. Then he writes this:

” …

There is one guy, his name is Larry. He lives here, too. I think he is single right now. He is superb. I think he has some Native American blood of some sort, and other nationalities mixed. He looks like a model. He has also a really great voice and plays guitar and bass in a band called ShinySkySituation. He is so amazing. Of course if he knows how I feel about him he would just laugh, so I don’t say anything to him now. 

I hope to come closer to him and get to know him better. I also hope he gets to know me better and maybe, one day, oh well, you know. Anyway. We pretty much just met, so there is time. I got to go now, I got to go to work. I will write soon more, please write me too, how things are going back home, and with you. Try to come, you would just absolutely LOVE it!!!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Lots of Love,  X.X.X.

Billy “

Wow. Is he talking about Larry, OUR LARRY, the pt junkie, Mr Joe-Cool-For-Ever? Isn’t it amazing how different different people can perceive each other? It seems so touching, how Billy can be so romantic over someone like Larry! In any way, the letter shows a Billy that seemed happy and hopeful and excited about life, as I bet nobody here would have anticipated Billy was feeling about his daily life, what a crazy contrast!

If the parents won’t want Billy’s stuff I might snatch that letter.

Josiane Keller “Billy’s clothes” (2016)

Josiane Keller “Billy’s clothes 2” (2016)

Josiane Keller “Billy’s clothes 3” (2016)